1. Why I have no confidence
Why do you lack confidence with women? There could a number reasons. It may be the case that you live in fear of women as a result of rejection in the past. A girl may have laughed or taken the piss out of you in your younger years and the experience still affects you today. It might be that you were never the popular kid in school and so the girls didn’t approach you. It could be the case that you have had limited encounters with women and have always deemed yourself to be shy around them.
All of our past experiences affect the way we are today. The good news is that none of this is relevant. The solution to overcoming your issues with confidence is to understand what practical steps you can take now to master the art of confidence.
If you feel you may benefit from professional assistance to help you overcome any issues in the past, it is best to obtain medical advice from your Doctor.
2. Using dating sites
Using the internet is a great place to build your confidence around talking to women. Do not be shy about using it – the fact is that everyone uses the internet today. You can strike up a conversation with a woman online without her seeing your face or knowing anything about you. When you’ve had one conversation with a woman you’ll find it easier and easier to make more, gaining confidence with every discussion. There are opportunities to interact with women all over the internet, for example, on forums and message boards, Facebook, Twitter and even LinkedIn. Once you’re able to talk comfortably with women online, you’ll be ready to make your next move – getting yourself on a dating site with an interesting profile and directly contacting women of interest to you. You’ve got nothing to lose and, as it’s all online, there’s no pressure on you to impress in person.
When you’re flicking through dating profiles, don’t let a stunning looking girl make you feel intimidated or that she’s out of your league. If she’s of interest – get in touch with her.
3. Changing our environment
Changing your environment or surroundings is a good way to bring about some positive change in your life. If you don’t venture out from the place you were born in and you find yourself out in the same places over and over again, you will be denying yourself the opportunity to build on your confidence. Think about it – if you are going to the same places and meeting the same people, they’ll know you inside out. Changing your environment is a good way to reinvent yourself in to anything you want to be – the people you will interact with in your new environment won’t know you from Adam. In your new environment, you can approach any girl you like as whoever you wish to portray yourself as. Consider joining a social group or gathering outside of your hometown.
4. Getting a new look
Believe it or not, changing your appearance will have a huge impact on the way you look and feel. Have you ever gone out and got yourself some new clothes and a new haircut? Do you recall how you felt? There’s a good chance that you felt really good about yourself. By getting yourself a new look, it will assist to build your confidence around approaching women. Even if you consider yourself to have average looks, you will not fail to impress if you are well dressed in good quality clothes, stylish and well groomed. Getting yourself to the gym a few times a week and watching your calorie intake will have a big impact on your feel good factor.
5. Your self critic
It is important for you to address your inner self critic so that you can gain the confidence to talk to any woman you want. It’s your inner critic that will feed you negative thoughts such as “I just can’t talk to women” or “I lack confidence with women”. You cannot stop negative thoughts from entering your head but you can change them. For example, rather than ruminating on a negative thought – change it into something more realistic. For example, “I will come across an anxious mess if i approach that woman” can be changed in to “most signs of anxiety aren’t noticeable to others. I’ll be fine”. Remember, most women are programmed to respond positively and politely to anyone that shows them an interest, even if the feeling isn’t reciprocated. What do you have to lose then?
Your inner self critic often comes from a place of deep insecurity and fear and so when it turns up, thank it for its concern but tell it that it isn’t needed.
After gaining control over your inner self critic, you will notice a reduction in negative thoughts.
Believe it or not, some friends can make it more difficult for you to build confidence around women. For a few reasons. Firstly, some friends like jokes and banter, especially where females are concerned. This can make it incredibly difficult for you to engage with women, what with them interrupting your flow with a piss take. Some women can be put off by a man’s friends when those friends are ill mannered, loud and overpowering. Some friends may even outshine you, denying you the opportunity speak to a woman yourself. Try to associate yourself with some friends or associates you don’t hang around with as often, those that are more stable and well mannered compared to your usual group of friends.
7. Using an escort
You pay for driving lessons to learn to drive a car. Why not pay for a woman to learn about women? The thought of using an escort service might sound a tad unusual, but those who have struggles with confidence should not dismiss this without some serious consideration.. There are sites out there where you can connect with women and pay them to help you build up your confidence. You can play this in anyway you feel comfortable, however our suggestion is for you to be completely open with your chosen escort and for you to tell them that your main aim is to build up confidence around women. A professional escort will understand this issue and will tailor her approach to suit. Using an escort doesn’t have to be about sex (although that’s an arrangement you can make between the both of you). The experience of being in a woman’s company and holding your own will be invaluable.
8. Fake it ‘til you make it
Ever heard this expression before? There’s a lot of truth to it. When you are out and about and surrounded by females, you need to behave as though you are uber confident even if you’re not feeling it. This means you should walk confidently with your head held high, using eye contact and smile for starters (no hiding out in the corner with your head down, looking sheepish). Behaving as though you are confident sends a message to your subconscious that this is the way you really are. The more you do it, the more confident you will start to feel and the easier it will become to engage with women. Behaving in a confident way makes you more attractive to women too (no-one wants to approach a man who appears fragile).
9. What if?
What if? What if? These two words will kill you before you’ve even started. For example: What is she rejects me? What if she doesn’t like me? What if I make a fool out of myself? What if I don’t know that to say and it all goes wrong? Often driven by our inner critic, the “what if?” question puts doubt in to our head before we’ve even started. The fact of the matter is – this type of overthinking is unhelpful. It’s catastrophizing to the extreme. When your inner critic shows up with a “what if” thought, put it in its place.
Visualisation and mental imagery is a great way to changing the way we think and feel about ourselves. Visualisation involves forming a positive mental image of something we want to achieve and them ruminating on this image for a while. If you sit and think about something going well, this will tend to play out in reality. If you do the opposite and dwell on something going wrong, then this will often be the case. If you visualise yourself talking confidently to a female and you do this with utter conviction, this will help you recreate the experience in real life scenarios.
11. Talking to women
A way to overcome a lack of confidence with women is to start to talk to women who you have absolutely no interest in pursuing romantically. This could be a work colleague, a friend or anyone else that you deem to be less intimidated by.
12. Self-help books
The sales of such books generate $2.5 billion dollars a year in the US and so don’t dismiss the value of a good self-help book around improving confidence. Most books on this subject offer a general approach for improving overall confidence in any scenario. However, you will be able to take away some tips to assist you with your thoughts, feelings and behaviours around approaching women. There are many on the market – it goes without saying that you should consider the reviews before purchasing.
13. Baby steps
Don’t think for one second think that you will be able to run before you can walk when it comes to confidence. The key to success is to breaking it down into manageable chunks and to take a gradual approach to bringing your confidence up. There is no quick fix for confidence. It will take patience and practice in order to succeed. Once you start the momentum, they’ll be no stopping you from gaining more confidence with women.