Just before you label her the love of your life, if she’s a single mother there are 8 things you need to consider before dating a single mother.
If you’re a bloke and you already have children, this may well not apply (because you’ll already have an idea of what you’ll be getting yourself in to). However, if you’re a single man with no kids, dating a single mother is not recommended.
If you’re considering dating a single mother, have you carried out an honest assessment as to the positives (there aren’t many) and negatives (many)? It doesn’t matter how good-looking she is. Taking on someone else’s kids is a huge responsibility and the decision to do this shouldn’t be taken lightly.
We tell you why it’s never a good idea to date a single mother.
1. She Has No Time
When dating a single mother, she will not have sufficient time for you and the relationship. By the time she’s bathed the kids, put them to bed, read them a story and tidied up there’ll be no time for you. And, let’s face it, after all of that she won’t exactly be bursting with enthusiasm and energy (and, after all the effort you put in, she won’t be looking and feeling her best either).
Spontaneous moments such as ‘let’s go for an evening walk’ or ‘let’s go out for dinner tonight’ will be near impossible considering she’ll have the kids to consider.
If she’s not putting the kids before you, there’d be something wrong. The kids should be her first priority (but this leaves little time for you and maintaining the relationship).
2. She’s unreliable
One of the most irritating things about single moms is the fact that she will always be unreliable.
For example, when you’ve managed to bag some free time with her away from the children, expect that she’ll have to leave abruptly at any minute when she gets a call from her baby sitter asking her to return home.
If you’ve spent all day looking forward to seeing her, don’t be surprised when she calls or texts at last minute, cancelling your plans. Yet another reason why dating a single mother is not compatible with a happy relationship.
Say goodbye to passionate, mind-blowing, noisy, sensual, earth-shattering love making. No random sex sessions on the sofa, up against kitchen worktops or on the stairs on the way up to bed. No meaningful foreplay possible. No lazy love making sessions for hours on a Sunday morning followed by take out coffees and breakfast/Netflix in bed. Dating a single mother requires you to be discrete and you cannot hang around in your love making to them. They also cannot fully engage with you and sex as they’ll always have an ear out for the children.
You’ve had a hard week at work and require a good lie-in at the weekend. If you date a single mom, the chances are – you’re not going to get one. You’re awake when they are. You’ll need to get up when their children require (and even if she leaves you in bed and takes them downstairs, it’ll be near impossible to sleep considering the noise).
5. TV privileges
There’s nothing better than finishing work and snuggling up with your girl in front of a good film or box set. This is not going to be possible dating a single mom. Netlfix and chill is out the window. Kids will rule the television. If you’re OK with cartoons blaring all day and not being able to exercise any control over the television, then single moms may be a good option for you. If not – get yourself a single gal with no baggage.
I hope you’ve got deep pockets and a fat salary because dating a single mom will cost you a fortune. You will be expected to pay for everything. Anything you want to do that is out of her usual schedule – including days out, holidays and evening meals – you will be expected to pay for. She won’t offer anything towards this because she wont have the means and is probably a bit selfish in that she will be largely incapable of considering your feelings (she’s just concerned with her kids).
7. Dealing With The EX
You have to consider whether or not you’re OK with the X being around. Because of the children, the X will always be in the single mom’s life. And if there’s not a good relationship between them, the fact that you are now dating the mom may lead to fireworks.
The X has immense power over you and always will. For example, if he’s pissed for you now dating the mom, he has the ability to make things extremely difficult for you. For example, that romantic, kid-free weekend you have planned away may be cancelled at the last minute when the X decides he can’t actually have the kids that weekend.
You’ll have to put up with the constant fights and bickering between them and sit around taking the brunt of her bad moods and stresses. Who the hell wants that?
And, who’s not to say that one day she might just dump your ass and go back to her X for the sake of the children.
8. Dealing With The Kids
If you don’t have much experience with children, you will find her kids a challenge. Particularly if they’re demon kids and a pain in the ass. You’ll likely be disrespected, screamed at and even physically attacked (‘you’re not my dad! You can’t tell me what to do!’)
Your idea of punishment (by the way, you don’t have any right to dish this out) may be completely different to hers. This will cause conflict in your relationship. As far as she’ll be concerned, her little cherubs can’t put a foot wrong and so you’ll just have to take the sh*t and bite the bullet when one of them kicks you in the shin, screams in your face or pulls at your hair.
As much as you may wish for a fairy tale relationship with her children, this isn’t likely to happen. You will develop hatred and resentment towards them for getting in the way of your relationship.
Forget about a lazy afternoon nap on the couch at the weekend. Forget about some quiet reading time in the garden. No long and peaceful soaks in the bath. No peaceful man time (which we all desperately need).
Have you ever been on a plane with a screaming child on board? Being with a single mom is like that constantly.
Final thoughts: single moms – AVOID.
Don’t date a single mom if you can really help it. It’s just not worth it when there are other gals available with limited baggage and responsibility. Should you choose to date a single mom, you will quickly learn about the huge sacrifices you’ll have to make and they’ll be more than you can ever imagine. You are entitled to a woman who is able to fully commit to you and the relationship. You have the right to say ‘no’ to a life with someone else’s kids in tow.