Want to get over your Ex? Follow these 10 simple steps.
If you’re wondering how to get over an ex, then you’ve come to the right place.
There comes a time in many a man’s life when they find themselves wondering how they go about getting over a girlfriend. Whether they’ve been dumped or have done the dumping themselves, the majority of men will be familiar with the end of a relationship and how painful and depressing it can be. Getting your ex out of your head is easier said than done. Many men will find this difficult. We, as men, do not cope well when our comfort and security is removed. We can feel vulnerable, exposed and fearful.
Men who come out of relationships can be consumed with their ex, spending every waking minute thinking about them and ruminating over memories of the relationship. Some men, particularly those who have been dumped, live in the hope of their relationship being rekindled. The sad truth is, oftentimes, this just isn’t possible. She may have found the relationship boring (or you did) and the damage caused by this is beyond repair. There may have been cheating involved. It might be a case of you just not being compatible or either of you wanting to escape a toxic relationship. It might be that she didn’t love you. Or you didn’t love her.
You may have just recently started dating or have been in a long term relationship. You might be married and heading for divorce. Whatever the reason for the breakup, men often find themselves in an overpowering, emotional mind state that can severely affect their lives in every area including work, health and social.
Really, a relationship breakup is hard on men because men miss familiarity. They also fear not being able to find another mate. Men who have been dumped may worry they won’t ever find anyone as good as their ex whilst men who instigate a breakup themselves may question whether they’ve done the right thing.
Some men, not being able to cope with the stress of the unknown, even find themselves going back to an ex who really isn’t good for them.
Whatever the reason for the relationship ending – you’ve got to face facts,as hard as it is: you weren’t meant for each other. There are loads of other single women out there and one of them is right for you.
You might be plagued with thoughts of wanting them back, why they didn’t want you, why things didn’t work out and whether there’s a chance at another shot of the relationship. You might not be able to stop these thoughts from entering your head, however, you can choose how you respond to them. Replacing rumination with the following, positive steps will ensure you can bounce back from your ex sooner.
Time needed: 180 days.
How to get over an Ex
- No social media stalking
When getting over a breakup, social media stalking is a big no-no. It can very quickly lead to a dangerous obsession. Behavior such as Facebook stalking to spy on an ex’s activities is not helpful. Imagine if you saw her on there now with someone else…is that going to make you feel better or worse?
You need to completely cut off all contact with your ex and this means no looking her up online. If you’ve been blocked by her, do not be tempted to create another account for this purpose. If it helps – block her yourself, ban yourself from going online or close down your own social media accounts temporarily.
- See this as an opportunity
A good way of getting over your ex is to see this as an opportunity for growth and self improvement.
It might be that you were in a controlling relationship and can now do all the things she said you couldn’t. You might have been so consumed in the relationship that you neglected areas in your life such as friends, hobbies and family and now have the space to rekindle them. You may want to use your new freedom to start up a new hobby, learn a new skill or make some new acquaintances.
It’s essential for you to keep yourself busy. As hard as it is to motivate yourself after a breakup, you really have to force yourself to do it. There is always hope and opportunity – find it.
- Avoid places they go
This is of particular importance if you both live in a small town and share the same friends.
Avoid her and the places you know she frequents like you would the plague. If you don’t, there’s a good chance you’ll bump into her on a night out.
Secretly, this is what you may be hoping for…however, engineering a meet up in this way is a bad, bad move. For many reasons, including you seeing her out with another man or even talking to someone else might cause you significant anxiety, jealousy and rage.
When getting over a breakup, you should only do things that will make yourself feel better. You may that think seeing her out is a good move but it really is one of the worst things you can do when trying to recover after a breakup.
- Don’t beg
Under any circumstances. This will make you appear worthless and is degrading to yourself.
Begging is a huge turnoff for women. Even if there is a chance of the relationship being rekindled, it’ll sure be ruined with this behavior.
Most of the time though, relationships end for a very good reason and most are not revived. Therefore, begging an ex for another go isn’t going to change the outcome and will just make you appear a weak and pathetic character.
- Going to the gym
Going to the gym is a great way of getting over your ex. It means you getting out the house, improving on your fitness and appearance and having the potential to meet someone else who is better suited to you.
A workout will also enable you to clear your head and think more rationally about the situation. It’ll help you see the relationship for what it truly was – something that wasn’t right for either of you (if it was, you wouldn’t have broken up).
Getting yourself to the gym will get you in to shape and help control negative and obsessive thinking around your ex.
- Using online dating
This may be the last thing you want to do. The thought of being with someone other than your ex may even turn your stomach. However, getting yourself back out into the dating world is a great way of getting over your ex girlfriend.
If you are struggling more than most, online dating is the safest option for you.
You can do it from the comfort of your own home and don’t have to be hassled with any demanding communication, especially if you’re not feeling best motivated.
It’s likely, if you do end up meeting up with someone and that develops into something beyond a first date, it’ll be deemed a rebound. That’s OK, though. It’ll build your confidence and self worth as a strong and capable man.
- Removing any type of reminders
If you are struggling with getting over your ex, remove anything in your life that reminds you of her. This can include photos on your phone, tablet or social media accounts, gifts that she bought you and text messages. All triggers need to be identified and removed because it’s these things that’ll keep the memory of your ex alive (not what you want or need when trying to get over her).
- Avoiding all means of contact
If you’re wondering how you can move on after a relationship, as above – cut off all contact with your ex.
You need to deliberately avoid her and take steps to completely remove her from your life. Block her on social media (or temporarily close your accounts down), block her phone number and email address and then delete her number.
Do not text her and do not call her. This will only increase your stress (I.e sending her a heartfelt message and then being on tenterhooks waiting for her response which, if she does bother to reply, will likely not make you feel any better).
Of course, this may not be possible if you’re to remain in contact with her for the sake of children. If you need to communicate with her for that, keep contact limited and only for the purpose of making arrangements for your kids.
Cutting off contact with your ex is difficult. However, a sure way of speeding up your recovery.
- Face the facts
You need to face facts. And the facts are that the relationship just did not work out. So there’s no point sitting there dwelling on negative thoughts or trying to come up with plans to win back the relationship. You have to get your life in order and move on, as harsh as this sounds. There’s no point in us beating around the bush about this. It’s time to move on to the next chapter of your life and in a relationship that is better suited to you.
- Avoid drinking or using substances
It’s a well-known fact that some men go into self destruct mode when a relationship has come to an end. Many men may turn towards drinking or using other substances to cope. However this can cause significant problems and can severely hinder a man’s recovery from an ex.
Alcohol and substances can cause depression and anxiety. This, in turn, can increase negative thoughts and prevent a man from moving on fully. The answer doesn’t isn’t at the end of a bottle and the problem isn’t going to go away by taking substances.