Who Pays On The First date?

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Even though we’re thankful for the 21st Century and equal rights amongst women and men, there is still a lot of debate around who should pay for dinner on a first date. 

On a recent Facebook poll by Man’s Black Book, there was a near 50/50 split and a number of comments from both sides of the fence, including around some women being equal earners and therefore being obliged to pay (or at least to pay their bit) and some arguing for traditions standards (I.E that the man should always pay on a first date). 

Why do men feel obliged to pay for dinner?

As most men already feel obliged to pay for dinner (and there are a large number of women who still expect a man to foot the bill), this has become a tradition. We believe that there are some occasions when a man should absolutely pay for dinner. However, this certainly isn’t the case involving all scenarios when out on a dinner date. 

When should the bill be split on the first date?

As we already know, online dating is no longer frowned upon. In fact, it’s the most common way to meet people, as highlighted in our article How To Meet A Woman As online dating is so accessible, men can find themselves pressured to foot the bill every time they go out on a date, which can become expensive if he’s trying out a number of potential suitors. 

A dinner date will also likely leave a bad taste in a man’s mouth if he’s paid the bill and there was absolutely no connection. 

So – the short story is…if you have connected with someone and mutually agree to a dinner date – the bill needs to be split. 

When should you pay for the bill?

However, there are times when you really should pay for dinner. For example, if you’ve met a girl and have offered to take her out to a fancy restaurant in an effort to impress her, it would be unfair of you to expect her to pay towards the bill (which they may not be able to afford). 

Another scenario when you should pay the bill is when your date is someone you’ve liked for quite some time. This could be a colleague or someone you regularly speak to at the gym who you’ve managed to pluck up the courage to ask out. In these cases, it’s a good idea for you to pay the bill, what with you being the one who invited her. 

Lastly, if you really do want to impress someone, are extremely keen to attract them and you have been pursuing them for a while, it’s best for you to pick up the check. This is of great importance (all women enjoy being treated and you’ll want them to perceive you as a gentleman). A huge turn off would be you getting the calculator on your phone out and telling her what she owes. 

What should you do if a woman offers to pay for dinner? 

As many women of today are ridiculously independent and financially secure, they may well not be fussed about traditional standards of men picking up the tab. Some women will even offer or insist they pay for dinner and this can be an awkward moment for men who aren’t sure how to handle this. Some men may even take the act of a woman paying for dinner as an assault on their ego. 

The bottom line rule with this is: if she invited you out to dinner and chose the restaurant – gracefully accept her offer to pay, enjoy your meal and don’t worry about it. In these circumstances, you could also offer to go Dutch to be polite but, if she absolutely insists on paying, you’ll just have to accept it (note: offering to pay the tip may go towards impressing her). 

What if she’s asked me for dinner and expects me to pay? 

If a woman has asked you to go for dinner, whether she’s someone you’ve met online or otherwise, and she then expects you to pay…this is perhaps an indication that she’s the type of woman you need to avoid (see our article on Types Of Women To Avoid). 

To conclude then, if you’re out with a woman who asked you for dinner but she expected you to pay: 

  • if you really like her, stick your hands in your pocket and pay for dinner 
  • if you find that there is no attraction, insist on going Dutch and splitting the bill between you (this is a better approach than you sat there, arguing the toss with her and insisting she pays because she asked you out. Just pay your bit, take the hit and make a sharp and speedy exit) 

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